


sharknado

by prompto



Category: Persona 4, Sharknado (Movies)
Genre: F/M, M/M, Sharknado - Freeform, pray for my soul, sharknado au, this is the fucking dumbest thing ever
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-08-25
Updated: 2014-08-25
Packaged: 2018-02-14 14:39:32
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,658
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2195613
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/prompto/pseuds/prompto
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When the storm of the century rocks Japan with floods and lethal sharks, Yosuke is left to take up the role of hero in saving his friends and family in this heartpounding story of the battle of man  against sharks.</p>
            </blockquote>





	sharknado

**Author's Note:**

> All right people, I sat here for the past 4 hours writing the first part of this AU. I'm about halfway through the movie with what I've written, so the next half will wrap things up.
> 
> It's utterly stupid, probably the dumbest thing I've ever written. Take it for what it's worth which is a piece of shit.

_Twenty miles off the coast of Japan._

Life was the world knew it was changing yet again.

The tides of fate were shifting, a storm far worse than any mere hurricane or tornado was forming.

And it was only just the beginning.

The power of it grew worse as it continued through the ocean, approaching closer and closer to shore. All the while the inhabitants of the towns along the coat has no idea what was about to create utter chaos.

\---

The beach was full that morning. Along the shoreline, our main hero Yosuke Hanamura was walking along, surfboard in hand.

"Man the waves are high as hell today."

"Heh yeah..scenery is nice though." Teddie grinned with a wave to one of the girls stretching on the beach nearby.

"....Yeaaah I'm gonna hit the waves again." Yosuke gave him a clap on the shoulder before heading back out to the water. It wasn't in him to focus on girls much anymore, not when he already had a slightly possessive wannabe girlfriend and a tragic backstory of a previous love to deal with.

Making things too complicated wasn't something Yosuke was good at handling anymore.

"You better hurry, the clouds are comin' in. A storm is brewin' mightily quickly matey."

Yosuke snorted. "Arrrgh whatever ye say." Moving to the jet ski, he took up the offer of a ride back to the shoreline.

Later on back at the rather popular bar called Junes, many had taken to shooting pool or throwing back a few shots before noon had even hit.

The ever-popular Rise Kujikawa was strutting around in her yellow bathing suit that was all the rage with older men. As she took a few more orders and picked up some empty glasses to take back to the bar, she was stopped by a sad, sad soul better known as Adachi. He was a regular.

Of course the announcement of a strong as fuck storm approaching fell on deaf ears as everyone was too drunk or had a hand up someone's skirt to care.

_"Hurricane Saki has been pounding the southern part of Japan, steadily making it's up up to the east coastline."_

"No kidding, Yosuke's out there."

"I wouldn't worry about Yosuke, I mean he's the best surfer I've ever seen..course he's the only person I've ever seen surf." Adachi sipped his beer, leaning to the side casually to look Rise over once. "Course why have a surfer when you can have a detective you know--"

"Yes your detection skills on my more than subtle hints that I'm not interested are astounding."

"Hey-I'm pretty fucking awesome okay, and definitely not boring--" Adachi moved to run his hand on Rise's backside, causing her to make a shriek and nearly break his wrist.

"Look Adachi, we hooked up one time-- that was it. Besides, you're not good looking enough for me anyway." Rise half-way mumbled the last bit while finally moving around the bar to put a few things away.

Adachi tried not to stare at her ass as he noticed the bite mark along the woman's left leg.

"How come you never talk about that scar there on your leg..?"

"--Haven't you ever heard the line 'it's none of your fucking business'?"

_"Recently this storm has started to change the appearance of sharks in the area."_

The newscast went unheard after that.

Flashback to Yosuke who was out on the water still. He'd swam up to the girl him and Teddie had seen earlier, in his mind thinking he was dripping with good looks as he did so.

How fucking lame was that line.

"Been a while since I've seen you out here."

"Yeah well life is hard when you have so many fangirls to please."

The girl rolled her eyes, a smile still showing some on her face. Oh god she was one of his closet fangirls too.

"Yeah yeah, I'm gonna show you how it's done. You just have to buy me a drink if I stay up longer than you."

Yosuke watched as she paddled out further, quickly following after her.

They rode the wave in, the girl effectively pushing him off the board in the process. Cheating bitch. It was as he rose up to the surface that he saw the fin from a shark circling near the woman.

"HEY THERE'S A SHARK!!"

In a futile effort he yelled again -- "HEY GET OUT OF THE WATER!!"

What a dipshit. You're in the ocean, no working your way out of that one.

The woman tried to escape, failing in every sense of the word as she was devoured by the shark in an instant.

Yosuke swam over, attempting to save her but upon seeing it was a waste of time he began yelling and not doing the smart thing by getting back to shore while yelling. "SHARKS!!! GET OUT OF THE WATER- THEY'RE COMING IN!"

He stayed in the water for a good two minutes, yelling and letting sharks move far too close to the shoreline and start eating people. There must have been something in the water that was short-circuiting people's IQ's since they were moving hella slow to escape.

People began to panic, running away in attempts to escape. Yosuke had his own fight to deal with as he tried to escape from a shark that was circling around him.

Meanwhile, Rise raced to the shoreline, effectively pushing some poor stranger off the side of the stairs to break his neck. It was a sacrifice that needed to be made because he was hindering her baywatch run.

The guy on the jetski moved in to save Yosuke, only to have half his leg nearly chopped off in the process. Yosuke used his skills he learned from playing Grand Turismo to get them back to shore just as Rise ran over and clung to him.

The paramedics took over. And shockingly not even five minutes later everyone was back at Junes, having a pint like nothing ever happened.

Oh no only about handful of people had their a leg or arm bitten off, and only  _maybe_  twenty people died or were critically injured. No big deal, it was past noon now so everyone needed to get wasted. Priorities man.

"So then the shark comes up and Yosuke just gives him the highest pitch girliest fucking scream I've ever heard--"

"That's such bullshit man I did not scream like a girl-I didn't even scream at all!" Yosuke flailed while trying to argue against jet-ski guy's story to make him look bad. He was just jealous of his dripping good looks.

"Ehh well you guys gonna back out there? I think it's a shitty idea if you do."

"Nah it's the storm that's driven them all along this coast." Yosuke cleaned one of the glasses while thinking how much of a dumbass Adachi was.

"Yeah but they were like something out of a horror movie-"

"Dude it's just a storm. It'll blow over in a few days."

"Just a storm? It looks like a hurricane." Adachi mumbled while downing more of his beer.

"I'm just happy you're okay." Rise intervened before a macho fight broke out, moving over to wrap her arms around Yosuke's neck.

"Woah-woah-woah what're you doing..?"

"What you think you're too low-class for me?"

"No I just, I'm your boss."

"..So..?" Rise looked horribly offended at being rejected.

"So-go get back to work..!" Yosuke barely fended off the feminine wiles, feeling his heart racing as he felt the secret gay part of him almost shrivel up from the contact.

The jet-ski guy called out after Rise who shook her head and got another round of drinks to deliver out throughout the bar.

"Daddy issues..I'll be that guy who's too old for you anytime." Adachi grinned after her as she muttered 'please' while walking past him.

The newscast was heard again after that, reinforcing the fact that there was a strong as fuck hurricane in the works and about to hit the shoreline.

This prompted Yosuke to pick up the phone and call someone.

It was the beginning of his tragic backstory with Souji Seta.

The phone rang in the Dojima residence, a silver-headed swaggy mother fucker answered the phone.

"Hello, Dojima residence."

"Hey Souji it's--"

"Yeah I know it's you Yosuke, what do you want."

"Look I'm just calling-wait why aren't you at work?"

"Look Yosuke I'm really busy what do you want."

"I'm just calling to make sure you and Nanako are okay. I saw there's a bad storm coming in and-"

"Is this about me not returning a single reply to your hundred text messages the other day?"

Yosuke looked mildly embarrassed and scratched the back of his neck. "Look it's just the storm, I wanted to make sure you two are okay."

"We're fine, it's barely even raining. I keep tabs on the weather unlike you." Souji sighed while remembering Yosuke had always been one fry short of happy meal. "Look it's nice you're calling to check on us, but we are more than prepared here for this hurricane."

"Well it's flooding here, like the ocean is fucking flooding. I think you two should leave Inaba."

Souji had to pause and look at the phone for how stupid that had sounded. "What are you talking about, we're 100 miles from the ocean."

"You're 6.6 miles from the shoreline. I'm going to come get you two and take you further inland."

"What about Kanji? You know you're not the only one who can keep us safe."

Yosuke had forgotten about Kanji. Ever since his grandmother had passed, he'd been staying at the Dojima's.

"We're not going anywhere."

"Fine then just let me get Nanako so I can get my week for the month."

"Is that what this is about?" Souji countered to which Yosuke said no. "Look, you're going to see her on the 20th like you always do. I've got to go, bye Yosuke."

The line went dead and Yosuke almost smashed the phone against the countertop.

"Who was that?" Rise had returned just as Yosuke hung the phone back up.

"My ex-boyfriend."

The bar went silent as Yosuke then shuffled away.

"Yeah..his ex-boyfriend." The jet-ski guy ate a peanut while Rise felt the competition for Yosuke's heart had been taken to an entirely new level. She'd de-gayified more than one man before in her life, it wasn't like she couldn't do it again.

Yosuke looked outside, feeling the weather was becoming as tragic as his backstory. He finally decided to do the smart thing (which he should've done right after the sharks had started eating people) by announcing he was going to close down shop for the day.

As everyone began to leave, Yosuke looked over to Rise.

"Hey you need to go home."

"I'm not going anywhere."

"This isn't your problem."

"Yes it is my problem because if this bar gets wrecked then I'm out of a job too." Really she was more worried about getting Yosuke to want her boobs.

The sudden sight of a shark flying in through the window finally made people stop moving in slow motion to leave the bar.

Rise felt her femme fatale instincts kick in, grabbing a pool stick and stabbing the shark in the head. Man she really needed to get laid, she had too much sexual frustration from Yosuke constantly rejecting her.

"Oh man, oh fuck oh shit, this is some video game bullshit. I've got guns behind the bar!" Yosuke said while nearly flying across said bar. He'd bought the firepower just for a time like this. Everyone said he was crazy when he said one day sharks would attack.

They finally started leaving the bar as the waves came crashing over the pier and building. Screaming people filled the streets, and Rise fell off to the side unable to defend herself against a shark even though she had just killed one two takes ago.

It was utterly a damsel in distress moment, and Adachi swooped in to save the day with his..stool. No one understood why he had such an attachment to the stool, but no one was questioning it either.

"Lemme grab some titty." Adachi said as the shark flew off, helping Rise up who reluctantly sighed and flashed a boob for him before rejoining the others.

Jet-ski chose that moment to become a complete badass by shoving a canister of helium into a shark's mouth, and Yosuke exhibited his skills from playing Duck Hunter by shooting the shark for proper carnage.

Yosuke&Junes Crew: 1 // Sharks: 100 (they've eaten alot of people by now)

The ferris wheel on the pier decided to make its opening debut by breaking away and rolling along the pier to effortlessly destroy everything in its wake. One poor guy was so excited he jumped onto the ground just waiting to be crushed.

Fast forward about an hour later to have the storm miraculously gone. The pier was destroyed completely though no worries.

Yosuke was gazing at his bar which was destroyed due to the fucking hurricane that came to shore. One containing sharks no less.

"I'm really worried about Souji and Nanako, I need to go get them and make sure nothing happens."

"I'll come with you." Jet-ski guy immediately joins in, he's pumped to destroy even more sharks and blow things up.

"Nanako doesn't like you remember."

"No man she doesn't like you remember, Nanako loves me. I always bring her candy and take her to Freddy's Pizza Joint."

"Who's Nanako? You have an ex-boyfriend _and_  a daughter?" Rise said just as Yosuke waved his hand. This conquest just became alot harder than she initially thought.

"Souji's goddaughter well more like a little sister. We raised her together though." Yosuke sighed and looked to her. "I can drop you off at home if you'd prefer."

"I live on the beach so it's obviously flooded. I don't really have a choice." She sighed while leaning some on the car, looking distressed. "I wanna go with you, make sure your family is okay." Which in Rise terms was  _'I wanna go with you and find a way to steal you back xo'_.

On cue for the dramatic dialogue that had just unfolded, the rain started up. Yosuke pretended to half-way care as he asked about Adachi, only for jet-ski guy to find him lounging in the backseat.

The rain continued to pour as the group finally did the semi-smart thing by getting away from the beach. Yet somehow, driving further inland only showed more water and sharks in the water than where they were just at by the shoreline with no flooded streets or sharks. Go figure.

"W-Why is the car shaking?" Adachi mumbled in his drunken daze.

"The hell, there are sharks in the street!" Rise moved to start loading her shotgun like a smart person, but Yosuke quickly put a stop to that. There were no smart people allowed in this SUV.

There was some dialogue with Adachi living in Beverly Hills, but no one cares about him so moving on.

Just as they finally start to make some progress and get to the freeway, people outside decide to act dumber than the people in the SUV (can you imagine that), and are freely wandering in the streets.

Yosuke decides to play the hero and go after them, seeing the mass of sharks heading in their direction as the water rose up to the freeway.

While everyone from Junes crew attempts to convince people to stop acting stupid and get to higher ground, Adachi uses this time as a shining moment to not be a lazy piece of shit. He grabs his weapon of a stool and runs over to help a lady get her dog out of a car.

It's just as he's escaping that he stops long enough for a wave to fall over on top of him carrying a mass of sharks with it. Oh how to die like a dumbass is what he was destined for.

Rise uses this as an opportune moment to lean against Yosuke, pretending to cry like she ever cared about Adachi at all. He had a big cock, but that was really the only reason she would've ever cared enough to sleep with him again.

"The storm drains and sewers..it's not going to help. They're gonna swim everywhere, come on lets get going." After Yosuke's brilliant input on how things that were designed to help clearly aren't in this extremely unlikely scenario of events, the crew was back on the road.

"We gotta go through this."

"This car won't make it through these waves!" Jet-ski guy spoke halfway correctly and Yosuke brushed it off saying he could read the waves.

In another stupid move, Yosuke drove through the waves, still tapping into those Grand Turismo skills.

Driving through the madness to see more sharks even so far in land, Yosuke shook his head. The house was not far off now, driving up the hill as the rain poured down on the area. Slamming on breaks in front of the house, he jumped out of the car and ran up to knock the door.

"Souji-Souji!!!"

Souji opened the door a few seconds later looking a little surprised. "Yosuke, what are you doing here?" He looked around at jet-ski guy. "What are you doing here, and who is she?"

"Her name's Rise, she works at the bar now will you let us in?"

"No, I told you not to come." Souji put a hand to Yosuke's chest to push him away. "Now just go away, take your little stripper friend and leave." He let his gaze flick over to Rise only for a moment to see her almost break a manicured nail in her seething.

Just as he said that, a shark comes flying out of the pothole nearby, prompting Rise to do the smart thing and shoot it.

"Nice shot!" Yosuke could feel his adrenaline rushing, it was like a real life video game or something. They piled into the house just as Rise put out a reminder that she wasn't a stripper. Well at least during the day she wasn't.

"Nanako--Nanako!"

"I told you she doesn't want to talk to you." Souji followed behind Yosuke just as Nanako appeared at the top of the stairs.

"Yosuke-kun, what are you doing here?"

"There's a big storm outside, it's not safe here."

"Big bro told me it wasn't a good idea to go with you, so you should probably just leave."

"I didn't come here to argue about that."

The rippling dramatics of a soap opera began just as Yosuke's twin brother appeared at the top of the stairs.

"What is all the ruckus...aww Yosuke should've figured it was you. What are you doing here?"

Yosuke paused to give Souji a look like ' _REALLY_?'

"Inaba is drowning, I'm going inland and I'm taking Souji and Nanako with me."

"Don't you forget that Souji is  ** _mine_** -"

"Excuse me?" Souji responded as if to sound offended. He was an independent man after all.

"My boyfriend is not your responsibility dear brother. Now unless it's the 20th of the month, which it isn't-- neither is Nanako."

"Faustus don't be rude, he's just worried about us." Souji said with a slight glare, but really he liked this whole possessive thing. Faustus choked him occassionally during sex too but that was besides the point, okay he needed to focus.

"Every time it rains here everyone swears it's the end of the world. And even if it's that bad, there's plenty of emergency services to get us by. We're safe here." Faustus said while approaching his brother with a sneer.

"There are sharks flooding the street you bonehead." Rise intervened before looking out the window. "...And now there's one in your pool."

"Are you kidding? Sharks in the swimming pool that's just completely impossible--" Faustus lived only a second longer before pulling back the curtain and having a shark devour him entirely. 

Souji immediately ran up the stairs towards Nanako where Yosuke had moved to cover her. He was also more so going running back to his ex in this instance seeing as Yosuke always had a slightly bigger cock anyways.

Rise and jet-ski guy moved up onto the stairs, just as the shark finished its meal. They attempted to kill the shark only to be too slow, and somehow had a brilliant idea of shoving a bookcase into its mouth instead.

Yet again, Rise then proved that she is somehow the only useful person in this journey as she used her shotgun to kill another shark.

Yosuke overlooked his brother's death entirely (he was infringing on his screen time) and picked up the conversation from before. "We've gotta go somewhere further inland, I'm thinking the desert."

"No we've gotta get Kanji, he's in flight school a few towns over." Nanako said as Souji wrapped his arms around her.

"Wait, he's at flight school? I thought he was at bike week further up north! When did this happen I just talked to him!" Yosuke felt utterly offended at being left out of the loop with one of his best friends.

"He wanted to tell you, but Kanji thought it would make you think he was even gayer than he already is." Souji uttered just as Yosuke scoffed.

Yosuke decides to backseat the conversation topic, realizing he has another moment to play the hero and effectively start winning Souji back.

"I'll distract the shark. You guys get to the car."

The shark and Yosuke tango for a little bit, and he ensured to wait at least give minutes before exiting the house to increase the dramatic effectiveness of the moment.

Just as they got into the car, the house then chose that opportune moment to explode with water.

_**C'est la vie.** _

**Author's Note:**

> I'm cutting it off here. As I said this is about halfway through the movie itself. Comments are greatly appreciated. I know this is a disgrace to any form of P4 literature though. I'll try to have an update in the next week or so.


End file.
